Reflection and Change on Memorial Day
Upon the passing of this last Memorial day weekend, I had some thoughts that I reflected upon how I have perceived this holiday of remembrance in the past and present. I certainly understand the basic intent of this federal holiday: to reflect upon the deathly sacrifice of service members in times of conflict. However, there are undoubtedly more personal attributes that I and others apply to Memorial Day every year. For me, Memorial Day has had different meanings depending on the stage of life I’ve been in. Whatever that meaning has been, it always had an impact upon how I perceive myself, my country, and my role in it.
As a youth, Memorial Day served as that pleasant transition period, the un-official start of the summer season. Often ushered in with lovely weather. My father, along with his father and two brothers, always participated in a 3 day match-play golf tournament at golf course that that my father and his brothers grew up on. The golf course was beautiful, and the whole family would go out to watch what ever member of the family lasted to the last day in the tournament. As a bonus, my father’s birthday falls on the weekend, so we had the added bonus of celebrating his special day. Although, my dad always seemed to look at the holiday in a holistic manner. He would embrace the communal gathering of playing golf with friends and family; never did he draw attention to his nearly unique association to Memorial Day with his birthday celebration. I’ve always thought that to be very selfless of my father. The combination of typically beautiful weather, a lovely golf course setting, and family and friends to enjoy time with made this routine event on Memorial Day a time to be joyful and happy.
Nothing lasts forever of course and those good times at the golf course in the Memorial Day tournament are but memories now. The golf course fell upon hard times, and had to be parceled off and sold. Now, some of the old growth trees still stand on the fringes of the old course, but most of the land had been commercially developed. My grandfather has since passed away, and my father and his brothers have become so distant from what they once were. They have grown their own families with grandchildren that divert their attention from each other. As I developed, my life situation and experiences, combined with the demise of our beloved golf course and the sadness I felt when reflecting, altered my perception of how I felt about Memorial Day.
I entered military service in the early-middle years of the Global War on Terror. I served as an infantryman, participating in two tours in Iraq. From the time I deployed moving forward, my direct experience in combat on a regular basis perhaps confirmed to my ego that I had privileged perspective that enabled me to understand the meaning of Memorial Day. I say this in hindsight because anybody can empathize with sacrificing one’s life for a greater purpose, so in my arrogance I thought that my choice to willfully engage in combat while serving the nation put me into a special group that understood personal sacrifice better than anybody else. I now believe this to be a false perception. My experience of serving in the infantry and witnessing the deaths of my comrades certainly enabled me to understand the intention of the holiday; although, I’m not sure that my understanding was rooted in selflessness as it should be.
After my first deployment, I reflected heavily on the men I knew who died in combat when Memorial Day rolled around; however, as time moved further from my last tour, I noticed a shift in my thoughts on Memorial Day. I started to feel shame when engaging with family and friends. I felt as though I should have perished in combat, and any enjoyment I partook in on Memorial Day was inappropriate. I even criticized others who laughed and played without acknowledging what I projected to be the sole purpose of the holiday: to remember the fallen. It took me a long time to understand how I falsely idealized what Memorial Day should be, and this point of view that I had of the holiday for a few years was only rooted in selfishness that disregarded the collective effort and devotion that should be applied when reflecting on the fatal sacrifice in war.
What I thought was a unique perspective that created belonging, only created hate and distain that I now believe to be contradicting to the true intention of Memorial Day. I now realize that reflection on Memorial Day must be altruistic and communal. We can appreciate the sacrifice of those who died by embracing the freedom that results from those sacrifices. Our continued enjoyment and appreciate of one another emulates the spirit of selfless sacrifice.
On this last Memorial Day, I really tried to practice selflessness and being grateful for what I have. I looked to my father, whose birthday falls within the holiday. A man who is often the embodiment of selflessness. Never making the holiday solely about him, always seeking to be loving, caring, and helpful to others. For this, I am grateful for my father. I’m grateful, for my buddies that I knew and died in the service while engaged in a foreign war. I’m grateful for being so lucky to serve multiple tours as a grunt, on the line every day. Not losing my life, nor limbs, nor suffer any debilitating injury that prevents me from being a productive member of society. I’m grateful for the life I’ve been blessed with since departing from the service. And lastly, I’m grateful for having the ability to enjoy the company of friends and family on Memorial Day weekend.
